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My First Blog Post

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

A day wasted dealing with depression but trying to find an outlet

Today is the day I started my blog while off of work today I layed around sobbing and dreaming of my life goals the couch has been my favorite place other than the kitchen or bathroom my mind is going but my body is numb I have to move in a month and I promised myself I would pack somethings today but here it is 8:46pm and I still haven’t moved I remember when I couldn’t sit still. Maybe because I just recently figured out I’ve been played for the hundredth time by a man I thought I had a connection with. A few months back I met a guy he was a little younger than me. Deep down I knew he was bad news never go against your intuition. I was finally in a place where I was at peace with being single alone and focused. I met him at a friends house warming I told him I just wanted to be Friends I even tried to ghost him a few times. He was a good looking guy he had his own place, car, job, only one kid and was very consistent in showing interest in me. His conversation lacked sometimes but we all have flaws. No matter how many times I ignored his calls or text messages he still kept trying and that’s where he got me. If there’s one thing that attracts me to a man its consistency. He took me on dates he started coming to my place every night with no sex involved and no pressure. One day we were at his place and we decided to make it official well he talked me into it I was ok with it because he was proving himself still no sex involved. Maybe a month after we make it official we finally have sex good sex we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. It’s holiday season and Christmas comes around we talked about the whole gift giving thing we said we would get each other something but nothing major just something thoughtful. I went out a couple days before Christmas I bought him a gift Christmas Day comes and he bought me nothing I was pissed it wasn’t about the gift it was the thought behind the gift how could someone who says I’m so special to them not even think to buy me a gift and mind you he has a t-shirt line so he could have just gave me a t-shirt. That was the first red flag! I went on to spend Christmas night with him he actually took me to meet his family. I took my gift that I got for him back to the store and bought myself something nice. So time goes on we spent New Years together with his brothers family. After the holiday season things between us got weird we were spending less time together one day we got into an argument he mentioned taking a break I went to his house and we both cried on each other shoulders I cried because I knew it was over I can feel him pulling away and no longer putting in the effort he cried because his baby’s mother didn’t give him the recognition he felt he deserved I guess he’s been holding things in for a while and he finally let them out. I don’t know why for some reason I thought that would bring us closer I thought we connected on a different level that day I felt like he trusted me men don’t just cry to anyone. His actions and distance hasn’t improved so I started pulling away myself to see if he cared. I just wanted him to show some type of emotion. He started texting telling me he misses me and all the good things I wanted to hear. I fell for it went to his house we had sex for the last time. After he got his fix he started acting the same way as before distant. So one day we were on the phone had an argument he hung up on me I blocked him we haven’t been the same every since. I haven’t talked to him in weeks then finally he messaged me on social media apologizing I didn’t respond at first. Then I finally responded deep down hoping he would beg for my love tell me how much he misses me and never wants to be without me again. That never happened he just went on to say we will always be friends we had a long conversation about nothing like always. He told me he would call me right back haven’t heard from him since but he still likes everything I post on social media. I just don’t understand what is so wrong with me I’m no Beyoncé but I’m fairly good looking I work hard I don’t have any kids I’ve been told I have a great personality I have my own everything but yet I can’t find a decent guy to love and cherish me. Makes me think about my daddy issues why doesn’t he love me am I not worthy of a mans love why am I so disposable to men. I end with this my dad broke my heart before any man which is what made me fragile to begin with but life experiences is what has broken me. Just my depression thoughts for the day good night.

Broken and alone

So let me just start by saying this is my first post. I started this blog for people like me people with to much pride to call a friend or family member to vent to because I’m always looked at as the strong one with everything together. But nowadays I’m starting to feel broken and worthless. I can barely keep a relationship with men family or just friends some take my distance as a way of me not wanting to be bothered truth is I’m fighting my own demons and it’s taking my energy I sometimes sit alone for hours wondering why life’s going the way it’s going for me. Why can’t I find a man who’s in love with me , why can’t I hit the million dollar lottery, why can’t I come up with a million dollar business plan, why don’t I have a father that loves me, why don’t me and my siblings have close relationships, why did my mom have to die so soon I couldn’t even tell her how much I loved her and why our relationship wasn’t the best I didn’t know how much I would miss my mom until she left this earth all she really wanted was a hug and for me to tell her I loved her. But there were things that happened to me as a kid that always made me wonder did she know or she wasn’t paying enough attention to what was happening to me and my sister right under her nose she left us with a guy that was doing things to us and we never said a word about it why why did me and my sister allow this to happen to us and never said a word until it was to late we were grown adults and we told the wrong people we told close friends and aunts I didn’t wanna tell my mom when she was here because she was so sick I thought it would kill her. Well that’s just a preview into my life and the cards I’ve been dealt the story goes on and I will be using this blog to tell my stories to be continued.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

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